i want to fall in love

I used to think it was because I was too introverted, shy, worried of what others would think of me, and I carried it like a burden. 

“Julie is like that. She can be quiet at first.  You just have to get to know her,” my friends still tell new people after I have met them.

This used to bother me. 
The fact that people must get to truly know who I am to know the funny, crazy side of me.

Sometimes I give off an impression that I am a snob because I don’t constantly smile and giggle like most females.  Sure, I can but I choose not to and being fake has never come easy to me…ever. 
My laugh is loud and fills the room. I’m not sure I’ve ever giggled in my life.

When I rushed a sorority in college I loathed the process.  I resented every of  second of having to plaster a big fake grin on my face, and feign interest.  Various girls, in layers of makeup and high heels, prattled on about the benefits of joining a sorority and how easy it would be to make friends.
I remember thinking, “What a load of shit.”
Never before had I been as uncomfortable as I was in that sorority.

Nearly a year later I would tell selfsame sorority to shove it up their ass, and walk away with one friend.  The same friend I’ve had since I was 7 years old, and who I had convinced to rush with me. 

One friend.

I’ve always been uncomfortable around females and suspicious of their motives, aware that most cannot stand alone as individuals.  They scare me.
The female friends I do have in my life are close ones and most I have known since I was a child. There’s that loyalty thing again for me.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to value this quiet and shy part of me, and rather than trying to change and force my hand at pretending to be something I’m not, I have learned to embrace it with confidence.  This is me.
 
If something isn’t funny, I’m not going to laugh. If I give you a compliment you will know I mean it. If you prove to be a loyal friend to me, I’ll be yours for life.

I will always tell it like it is, direct and upfront.  I think it’s pointless to lie, a waste of energy, and whether it be to protect another person’s feelings or their own, women tend to lie. Don’t get me wrong, men lie too but women lie to themselves and that’s part of what makes our gender so crazy in the head.
 
Unlike men, we do not rally together in order to save one of our own who has fallen by the wayside.  We do not forge an allegiance to our friends, swearing off any member of the opposite sex who has banged one from our group.