i want to fall in love

Do I move? Do I stay?
 
My family is here.
His father is there.
 
There are so many factors to consider.

Too many.

It’s beginning to wear on me, and I feel myself withdrawing again from everyone around me. My friends. My family. Even my own child.
 
I come home from work, strip to my underwear and fall back on my bed with a sigh of relief, and I usually lay there for a good half hour staring up at the ceiling while rubbing my bare skin against the cool of the sheets. The renters before me left phosphorescent star stickers behind which the maintenance had carelessly painted over.  They still glow, and sometimes I will count them when I’m laying in the dark, unable to sleep.

There’s 18 of them.

I find myself wondering if there were more, did they try to get them off and finally say fuck it? Or did they consider the next tenant might enjoy them?
 
I enjoy them, shining through the paint like that, perhaps as a subtle sign from God herself.
 
This isnt depression.  I’m just having one of those days that’s all, I tell myself over and over again. 
This isn’t depression.