"FOR F*CK'S SAKE!"
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âFOR F*CK’S SAKEâ
Hello, Dolls.
I awoke this morning to discover that Kathy Griffin has been banned from CNN as a result of her recent appearance on the Gay Pride March that the network refers to as a New Year’s Eve countdown.
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I was not surprised by her actions. Hell, I wasn’t even surprised by CNN’s decision. What surprised me was the general public’s response. (That is, if you consider the people responding to Popeater.com as the general public.) People are really having a coronary over her usage of the word âfuckâ, but I had to watch the clip three times before I was able to ascertain when this infamous âF-Bombâ was dropped!
Let’s get something straight…I mean CLEAR: Kathy Griffin said that she was invited to reprise her appearance on CNN’s NYE Countdown, provided that she would not let any obscenities fly loose from her glossy pucker. She was told that, should she threaten to go to anybody’s place of employment to knock a dick out of their mouth, her paycheck would bounce. Her PUBLIC response to this was that the amount on the paycheck would be paltry in comparison to the amount of press she would receive if she went against CNN’s wishes. (Not to mention the 20 minutes of material for her next show that would be writing itself.)
She was right.
And, as usual, network executives are pretending that they were side-swiped by her antics in much the same way that Barbara Walters does when she repeatedly asks Kathy Griffin to return to The View, or some awards show asks her to host or present. These people know what to expect. They are fully aware that Kathy Griffin is going to push the envelope right off a cliff, resulting in a firestorm of controversy which will fuel ratings for many days after, and increased awareness for the next time that she’s invited back. If any of these people are not familiar with her act and hand her a live microphone without a seven-second delay (impossible during a countdown show) then they are as negligent as a parent booking a lion for a child’s birthday party. If Mommy isn’t aware that the big kitty is a carnivore, then she has no right to complain when the lion flosses her daughter’s head from its teeth with balloon string.
What irks me most of all is this bullshit Puritanical outcry! CNN’s viewers would have you believe that their delicate sensibilities were tarnished by a barely audible âfuckâ, but that it is perfectly acceptable to show photographs of a poor child’s horrendous third degree burns or what amounts to an instructional video on how to incapacitate and murder your four year-old daughter. What the hell? Wait! You know what? What the FUCK???
I was watching an old SNL holiday sketch in which Alec Baldwin (playing a Glengarry Glen Ross-type elf) refers to the other elves as âsons-of-bitchesâ twice, uses the word âassâ once and then references brass balls verbally and then physically with a pair of brass Christmas ornaments hanging over his testicles. He even says, âelf youâ at one point. Is all of this that provocative? Not even hardly. But when he says the word âeffinâ (not âfuckingâ, but âeffinâ) THAT is the word that NBC chooses to bleep out and blurr his lips out of. EFFIN’! Oh, for fuck’s sake! Seriously! For the sake of fuck!
Everybody’s in a panic that some child might have been able to whittle an expletive out of Kathy Griffin’s appearance on CNN. Well, what the hell were these impressionable little snots doing up at midnight watching Kathy Griffin on CNN anyways? Between Kathy Griffin, Lance Bass and Anderson Cooper on the same telecast, the only thing gayer that you could expose your children to would be doggie-style in a bathhouse. And let’s just talk about Andy Coop for a second. This whole idea that Kathy Griffin has somehow besmirched this man’s solid reputation is limited only to those who haven’t seen him drunk on his own show. (It’s on YouTube. Look it up.) But who am I to judge? Being drunk during a show is a necessity that he and I share! But where is all of this concern for his journalistic reputation as he’s trolling through cruise bars on the Lower East Side?
The people complaining about Kathy Griffin’s f-bomb are now the same people complaining that J-Lo wore a catsuit over at Dick Clark’s âRockin’â countdown. A catsuit was too racy! I guess that makes Eartha Kitt, Julie Newmar and Michelle Pfeiffer a pack of feline fornicators as well?
Who do these people think they’re kidding? And why is it perfectly acceptable for these pitiful and highly impressionable children to watch frame after frame of bloody carnage on network television if they are ill-prepared to hear the word âshitâ or âfuckâ? Why is it acceptable for a network to air âThe Exorcistâ (a film in which the most harmless scene is a twelve year-old girl possessed by the Devil puking on a priest) but the word âcockâ is dubbed over? They just saw this little girl force her mother to perform fellatio on her own daughter ten minutes ago, but hearing the word âcockâ will scar them for life!
Listen, I know that I have a sailor’s vocabulary and use it to great offense quite often, and I am fully aware that behaving in an offensive manner too often and for too long results in my sounding ignorant, but can we all please get our fucking priorities in check?
All I can say is, God bless Kathy Griffin.
I’ll leave you with Eric Cartman’s take on the word âfuckâ as it most closely resembles my own. I know that I shouldn’t be proud of this, but I don’t really give intercourse.
Fuck fuck fucketty fuck fuck!
Your Favorite Demi-Blonde,
The Divine Grace
